| i honestly hate being this so friggen dumb/sad/frustrated/depressed/....GAH! all the effing time!
maybe i just complain too much... maybe i just like to start ramdon bullshit. WHO KNOWS! I certainly don't. Again this is where the tiny person who answers all my questions comes in. i need to vent.
if i don't soon...
then i don't know what will happen...
Fuuuck! | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | crazy bitch- buckcherry | | Time: | 08:08 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/sleepy_sy.gif) sleepy |
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| Ohhhh god.. i feel like death. •my head hurts •my feet are KILLING me •I am sooo effing tired that i could just colapse you know what... i really don't have anything to talk about.. sooo... yea | | comments: Leave a comment |
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I think i am physic... uhhh... you know the person who can fortell the future... THAT ONE! lol. I don't think i spelt it correctly.. hence why i just said the explanation. Yes i am a retard... i am well aware of that. BUT BACK TO MY POINT! I think i am.. that thing.. lol. You ask why??? Well! I have been having this feeling that this certain person wasn't so happy in the position that they are currently in.. and with a little explaing of a certain event.. it gave me enough proof to officially say that this certain person is indeed not happy. Now of course i could be wrong.. but if i am.. then this so called "happy" person is doing one hell of a bad job of showing it. Sorry friend.. but i think you need some theropy.. because you look saaaaaaad.
Well.. what shall i type about today???
I am going to do my best to stay on a light and happy note because i am so sick of my LJ being so god damn sad. Frig man! I am such a happy person yet my LJ is like a friggen suicide note! MY GOD!
We recently.. as in last Thursday.. just got a brand spankin' new truck! OW! It's a 2007 Sierra Z71! Whatever the hell that means.. beats me... lol. It's black and SOOOOOO purrdy! I approve my dad's purchase very much. Maybe he will let me drive it to the gym tonight.. teeheee heeee heee....
Speaking of the gym... it is going well. I am definately starting to feel better about myself. I think i am noticing somewhat of a change, even though i have only been going for about 2 weeks. It still makes a difference. I am hoping to have a nice sexy beach body by June or sooner lmao! We just bought a new treadmill too.. so that will help when i can't make it to the gym.. hopefully i can keep this whgole gym thing going. I really want to get an i-pod nano.. ohhh man.. that would be sweet. I realize i just changed the topic but it does have somewhat of a thing to do with the gym. You would listen to the i-pod while you are working out. Get it? ANY way! I have been really wanting one of those lately. I realize i am just jumping on the band wagon.. but you know what! I just strive to be cool! lol. Not really. I have no idea why i didn't ask for one for Christmas.. i definately could've had it then! Gee i am stupid sometimes! Blahhhhhhhhh
Well i am done for now. Ciao Ciao!! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Wonderwall- Oasis | | Time: | 11:49 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/confused_sy.gif) confused |
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| I have a few things on my mind. So i am going to try and do my best to get them out in the open and at the same time not offend anyone. i don't think i will... but just incase some touchy people read this, i appologise if i offend. it was not intended.
*I guess i have to start off with the fact that i don't understand myself or my decisions. i wish i could have a little person who could answer any question i had. For all of those tough questions that life throws at us. Because i think sometimes i second guess myself or make decisions that i know i will regret later but at the time i didn't think i would regret it later on. ( good luck understanding that hee hee ) I guess a really good example would be back in the day when i was apart of the group that consisted of Brandon and all of them. I had a lot of good times during those days. Although they were filled with drama, they were some of the greatest times that i can ever remember and i know i won't forget. I do admitt that i made some bad choices, i am not afraid of that and the fact that i was very immature as well. Point being, i made the choice of leaving or pushing myself away from that group. In some ways i felt as if i didn't belong anymore and perhaps that i wasn't wanted around. I knew that that was something i needed to do. I needed a fresh start and time away from all the old drama i was involved in. But now.. i miss it so much. I often write about it in the lj.. if you read mine you would notice that. I guess i feel as if when i distant myself, i distant myself away from my friends. I all of a sudden didn't know what was going on in their lives, the type of things i would've known if i were still in that group. And now that i am apart of another group.. i feel as though that i have distant from a lot of my old friends.. not just the ones that i was in a group with but others. And don't get me wrong... i absolutly love all of the people i hang around in my new group. Pat, Steve, Ashley, Emily, Cayley and of course my beloved.
** So i suppose that leads me to my next bit. I love hanging out with the group. We have some pretty good memories. But as you can tell, i am obviously the youngest in that group. Not just because they are a year older than me but the fact that my birthday is in December so that makes it more than a year in some cases. Like Brad and i have a year and eight months apart from each other. I guess in some ways that is a good thing, i like being young.. but i feel as though... i dunno.. not that i don't belong.. but... urgh i don't know! I feel as though i need some space from them sometimes and i need either alone time or i need to be with my friends that are my age. It's not that they aren't fun or anything.. i just need time to myself. But if i make a habbit of it, i get labelled as "anit-social" which i am not. It's the same with Brad. Sometimes i just need time away from him. If i see too much of him i just need to relax and be with my family or myself for a bit. But then i get called a bad girlfriend. It's not always like that but it has somewhat happend like that before. Am i weird for needing my time alone or wanting space from people who i see too often? I do have growing up issues. I know at my age, i am supposed to want to party all the time and be with my friends whenever i can. But the truth is. I get sad when i don't make time for my parents. My brother is gone now and it's only me. I am the little baby of the family and i guess in some ways i like it. I love my parents to death and i am terrified of growing up. It's a big step in life. But i am getting off track here... back to the whole point thing. I feel as though with some of my Weldon friends i have lost the connection with. Which sucks because there is awhole list of people i want to stay in contact with after high school and i worry that it isn't going to happen. I am just going to try my best to build them up again and not lose contact not matter what. And if you are curious about who those people are that i am worried about losing the contact with, i'd be happy to tell you.
***Now i guess that is it. So i am going to go to bed now and hope that i forget about being so emo haha. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Here- Hellogoodbye | | Time: | 05:40 pm | | Current Mood: | tired |
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| OHhhhh how i hurt... the pain.. the a-gon-ey!
but it is all apart of my plan to change my lifestyle.
hopefully it works.
***
school was okay today, nothing exciting. world history... talk about freakin work.. notes and notes and more notes. like what the shit is that. Eff off!
drama was booorrrrrinnnnnggggg....
foods was boring but went by faster than yesterday
fashions was actually really fun.. i laugh a lot in that class. there were some definate good times!
lunch was alright. it was fun.. walking around randomly with alicia proved to be very entertaining
***
I am praying for a snow day tomorrow. i don't work tomorrow and i am sooooo effing tired... i just need a day of peace.
11 months tomorrow <3 | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 06:59 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/indifferent_sy.gif) blah |
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| So today went down the hole quickly!
I was in such a good mood right up until 3rd period. aka: Drama. I am beginning to fear for drama. I really love that class and i love how i can be myself most of the time. The last 2 years i have taken drama it has been so much fun and i am proud to say that i have been part of some of the most memorable performances. Which is awesome! Makes me feel like i am actually good at it. But urgh! This time around is definately different. It's a smaller class. I think there is only 11 people in it. Which sounds awesome because you think that there just all the people that are fun to work with. Which is in some ways true. But today was only the second day and already... i hate it. It's just bloody rediculous!
We got put into groups today that we will have to spend i think 6 weeks in. The group i would say wasn't THE best but it would have to do. Bay lee and i were trying to find others to go into a group with us but before you knew it! Everyone had their groups. So we got stuck with towel boy and helen, i think her name is. Not completely sure on that... don't quote me lol. Bay lee says that she won't be able to work in a group with them and that a spare was looking good. I BEGGED her not to do it! i needed her! I DO need her! But i still don't know what she is going to do. So if she leaves... then it's me and those two for 6 weeks! WHY NOT JUST KILL ME NOW! Okay that sounded a little harsh. Helen seems okay.. she seems nice.. i am not sure how good she is at acting.. but friggen towel boy... UHHHHH the first 5 mins of listening to him and i was already annoyed with him. i think he trys to hard.
So if Bay lee does leave and i do end up in this group.. well i just may committ suicide and well cry a little bit lol joking... i dunno.. it all depends on how well they work. i am sure miss williams will save me if things get rough.
But i bet the whole group thing... will be the same everytime and that just sucks! this is why i will hate drama.. same thing will happen too with groups of two. the same two will go together everytime and if Bay lee is gone.. like if she drops the course.. then i'll probably be with Helen... I am just not feeling the love here! hahaha. NOw i think i am slightly acting a little depressed but meh... i guess i am just tired...
****
So you know that thing that i was talking about earlier... you know... the something/someone being on my mind... STILL THERE... not leaving... i really wish it would.
GOD DAMN IT! Get out of my head... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Oh well...
Hopefully tomorrow is better. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 08:06 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/yellow/sore_sy.gif) sore |
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| I do think i have neglected the update long enough. As always.. lol. Well life is good i suppose. Nothing really new or exciting. It's funny.. anytime i want to write in this thing i want to just talk about my depressing past. OH GOD! I'M TURNING EMO!!!! cut my wrists and black my eyes! OH HOLY SHIT! I KNOW THEIR LANGUAGE!!! AH! haha But on a serious note.. there has been something/someone (not going to be very specific) on my mind lately. It kinda weird, because i've been running into things that remind me of this. Which is kinda creeping me out. I dunno. i am just going to ignore it. I know if i get too into it... it'll just cause problems. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| wow...
i tell you...
I am in one hateful mood right now. Just me seeing the wrong things, things i don't want to see, are just pissing me right off. Kinda weird... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| dearest livejournal,
how i neglect thee.
update:
nothing really. i got my hair chopped off. it looks pretty good. mommala says it makes me look more "grown up" yaaaayyyy!
lately i have been thinking.
yes i know.. bad sign. haha but really, i have. I've thought about "after highschool". It never really struck me as a big deal before when people were so concerned about it being our final year at I.E. Weldon Secondary School. Yes indeed, it is our last.
I wonder how i will end it.
Will i go out with a BANG or with a.. nothing.
Will i be remembered?
Will people always think of me and the effects i may have or haven't had on them?
Who will i have as my friends?
Will i remain close with them?
What if the people i want to stay in contact with, don't want to stay in contact with me?
Yes all of these things have crossed my mind and it sometimes actually worries me because my friends are everything to me. There those friends who i wished i were closer with because they are such awesome people. There are the people i wish things could've been easier in our friendship and not so dramatic. Maybe then we would be as close today as we once were. I do have some regrets with my friends and other things that i wouldn't change for the world. I like to think that because of my friends i am the person who i am today. They are the ones that made me into the person i am today. Who taught me the valuble lessons of life. They are the ones that watched my back. The people who gave me a shoulder to lean on when times were rough.
For the people who will remain my friends:
I wish for happiness, for love, for hope and faith, for good times and for many memories that will never be forgotten. I hope that we are always friends and help each other through the rough times. We will always be there for one another and will get through anything that life brings to us. We will succeed in everything we do and will accomplish everything we wished for! I am glad to have you in my life and to have the honor of calling you my friend.
For the people who i lose contact with:
I wish you all the best, happiness, success, fortune and love. I hope you grow into the people you wanted to become. To be the very best at whatever you do. I am sorry that we didn't keep in touch and we lost our friendship. I want you to know that probably most of my memorable times were with you. That you made me happy at some point in my life. Know that i cherished our friendship and i will never, ever forget you and the person you were in high school. You were the greatest and still are! All the best!
Hopefully i don't lose that many friends.. actually.. let me rephrase that.. i hope i don't lose any of my friends. Even the people who may think that we aren't "close" or that i "hate" you. I cherish each and everyone of my friends and i don't want to lose any of you! You all mean way too much to me!
Thank-you Xo | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Sorry, but you have to be accepted in order to see my thoughts.
Leave a comment and perhaps i'll consider letting you in.
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